12:07 PM, June 15, 2011
Last Saturday after my shift I was in a rush to go home to meet an old friend in a restaurant. I was fixing my station for it was the last shift of the week, i rarely do it to my station though. I started packing my things in my black sling bag, mostly i had on it the paper works which i decided to finish at home, homeworks as usual. While i was shutting down my computer, I saw my co-worker just behind me making herself so busy facing her pink hello kitty mirror, it wasn't new to me, she always did that, putting a thick foundation on her cheeks, added some pinkish blush-on and applied some red lipstick. However, that time, it was quite different, for the first time i was observing her for a couple of minutes while i was waiting for my pc to completely turned off. I saw her spraying perfume all over her body, maybe four times, no, i guess it was 7 times, i was really counting it. I thought that was all, but c'mon, i saw her opening another pouch from her cabinet and managed to get a small bottle, t'was another perfume. Without any trace of contentment she sprayed it to her palm, rubbed it to her elbows and neck then did it once again. Wow! what a vain, i thought. Splendid indeed, well, so girly stuff! Shoot! I almost forgot my appointment. Everything was set after all, i dropped at my TL's station, which i always do, we talked i guess for 3 minutes and bid goodbye to each other. On the hallway, I saw Veronica still busy combing her hair and facing her hello kitty mirror in all angles. I was really planning to just ignore her for i was in a hurry, seriously, i was really in a hurry. However, she saw me when i was about to ride in the elevator, she called my name and asked me a very stupid question. "Do i look beautiful now?", she said. I became silent for seconds. At the back of my mine, i was asking myself if her question was really meant for me,she's doubting her mirror, i assumed. I ignored my silly thoughts and replied back a very stupid answer, "Ofcourse you look beautiful." "Isn't it obvious?", and painted a little smile on my face just to fake it. She smiled back at me and with confidence she said, "I know right!".
12:57 PM
I arrived safely in the restaurant after a 30-minute drive. My friend picked the place, it was so elegant and quite, so perfect for a business meeting and a long-planned reunion after 10 years. The waiter guided me to the table and gave me the menu, i told her that i was waiting for a friend so she left the menu on the table and headed to her post. After a while i felt my phone vibrating in my pocket, i got a text message from my friend saying that he got stucked in a heavy traffic, he said he will arrived roughly in an hour. "Its gonna be a long wait", i whispered. At that very moment i decided to order a cup of black coffee, just to kill my idle moments. Thanks to the magazine the waiter gave me, it somehow made me busy. After a couple of zips i turned the page to Lifestyle Section, there, i saw a local celebrity promoting cosmetics and beauty enhancements, i can't help myself but appreciate the beauty it kindled. It was so captivating, anybody would feel the same way, the pictures were so alive. Suddenly, i remembered Veronica, not that i was daydreaming of her or fantasizing or any sort i mean, i just remembered what happen at the office, it suddenly flashed in my mind after seeing the picture. I admit she's really beautiful, any man would easily notice her ravishing delight. When she moved, she has an envitable power to magnitize every eyes to stare at her. She has the fragrance of a goddess, an addiction you can't escape. She almost had everything, a perfect body and a perfect brain for a stupid like me.
Visualizing Veronica in my mind, somehow corrupted my fair stand on what BEAUTY really means to me. I was about to believe that physical appearance is the concrete stature to judge if a person is considered beautiful or not. Please don't get me wrong, i am not saying that being similar to Veronica is a taboo. What i am trying to convey is that, Veronica is just one of those million individuals and counting, either a man or a woman, who considered beauty as a matter of looks and physical presentation. People who spent so much effort to make themselves presentable in the eyes of other people . People who think that being physically exquisite would make them a higher individual. And the people who are likely trapped in the world of LIES.
I know a lot of people who has the same idea as this, i can even use my fingers to point them and that would include myself. I admit, there was a time in my life when i envy my friends who have the looks like a celebrity. I am not ugly, its just that, i was never contented for who i am. I always wanted to have more, to be like them and to surpass their standards. I told myself before, why are they so lucky to have such beauty and i don't. I thought, God made me so imperfect. He seemed to forget me when I was still on my mother's womb, God was so unfair. For sure, they will be more successful in their carreer than me and most probably will gain more friends that i would because they have the key to achieve it - their looks, the so called "BEAUTY". Well, i can't accept that idea. So, I tried so hard to be like them, i bought expensive cosmetics and had a regular session with a skin dermatologist. Yes i did that, for i always thought that it was all necessary to become "beautiful". I even collected beauty magazines, spent so much money for every new release, went to the gym regularly and refrain myself from eating the food i considered unhealthy. It was really a big sacrifice to make, a never-ending sacrifice perhaps. I felt so complete for the first time seeing myself getting so much improvements. I like my new fair skin, a blemish-free face and the complements i am getting, it was so heaven to me. It was indeed a fullfillment.
Months rolled and i felt something different in me. I was so consumed with my new identity that i forgot who am i as a person. Surprisingly, I started to choose my circle of friends, I told myself, if you are not beautiful, then we can't be friends. I had a changed personality, as if my new look gave me a new self, a persona i am not familiar with. My gestures changed and my relationship with others too. I became so proud of myself, it seems that noone is better than me, i dont accept refusal when i asked for a favor. I dont want to be bullied but i always do to others, especially to those i considered lowly individuals. Shoot! My new self started to change the whole me. Everything was not right. It was very wrong.
One day, i asked my friend if she observed anything unusual about me. She smiled and said "I miss my old friend." Then her eyes was sorrounded with tears and it flowed to her cheek abundantly. I was so puzzled with her answers and felt so uneasy, it was a mixed emotion. She gave me a big hug, and from there I realized the foolishness i've done. I almost forgot the last time i've seen my old self in front of the mirror with a smile of contentment. I never thought that desiring a new self blinded me from the fact that I am one of the luckiest person in the world who ever lived. I realized that what i did is not a manifestation of Beauty, but a concrete evidence of my greed and discontentment. I closed my eyes and regretted what i have done, i hugged her so tight and told her "From now on, you won't miss that friend anymore, I promise." Then we both felt relieved.
Life is really full of trickery. And i was almost tricked by the lies of this World. I always remind myself that Beauty is not what is seen from the outside , its invisible. To see beauty dont use your eyes, listen to your heart. Real beauty is what you are. Your uniqueness counts, be proud of it. Beauty is the goodness in your heart that once it radiates from within that's when you become beautiful. It is the acceptance of what you are, who you are and what you are capable of. Love yourself, after all its not a bad idea. And it is not what other people think of you, it is what you think of yourself that matters. Sometimes we forgot that we only become beautiful once we accept that we really are beautiful. And our failure to see our true color will misjudge ourselves and that will misjudge others too.
Be confident to show your flaws to others. Our imperfection is the reason why we need to strive hard to keep living this world full of lies.
3:06 PM
"Alex", a familiar voice was calling my name. I turned my head and saw him. "Oh! There you are." Atlast, an hour of waiting is about to become a new story of my life.
